well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
