is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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