Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
