Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
