I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
