Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
