mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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