Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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