There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
