I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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