I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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