I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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