I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
