drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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