On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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