my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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