My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
