This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
