You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
