You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
