Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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