Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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