I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
