I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
