worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You've changed since you got that strap on
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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