don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
