I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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