So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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