maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
