I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this will be a night to untag.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
