I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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