Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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