he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
