She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
false alarm, still single
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
