dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
