Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
