I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
