the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
