you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
