I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it's like heaven, but drunker
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
