she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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