Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
