I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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