similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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