Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
