I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
