There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
