Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
