Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
