I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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