end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
