wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
