she takes plan B like it's going out of style
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
