worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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