I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
