What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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