She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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