she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
