I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
