after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine