my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
