I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy