U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?