Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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