That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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