When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
