My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
