you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
